I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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