im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
