Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i may or may not be watching the land before time
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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