she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize