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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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