they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
