I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
