Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
