I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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