Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
