sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
