a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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