You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize