Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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