Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
