would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize