Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
