I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
