you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
