i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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