If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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