she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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