I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why is your signature on my underwear?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
