Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
