I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
