My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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