11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
