I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
