Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
