Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
