Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
