i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
