ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
