do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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