i love accidental penises.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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