Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have fence marks all over my body
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
