i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
