She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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