I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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