We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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