I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
