he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
