Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
