Your tits are I can't wait for
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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