you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
