She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
