Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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