This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
