i think my tv is drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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