evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
