I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
