I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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