She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize