If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
