i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
