We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
