I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
