That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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