R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize