i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
