i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
