I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
