I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
