Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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