omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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