So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize