A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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