How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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