Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
