Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
