Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
