I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
