you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
