Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
