fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
