I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
