I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
try to milk me bitch
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