Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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